i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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