I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
