either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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