I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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