just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
