so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
