Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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