Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
