I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
