you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
