"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
