Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
