first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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