If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
