ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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