Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
