She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
