I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
