I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
