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I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
