she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
