I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Threesome in a minivan. New low
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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