1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
