i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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