i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
