Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
