WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
