Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
