She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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