You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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