He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
