I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
