Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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