Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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