i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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