I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
