i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
