I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
