whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
