you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
