He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
