Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
