things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
