Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
