I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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