Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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