The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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