hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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