WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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