dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
