my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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